NULL

Title of this is NULL - because, my mind is blank.
Last night was India Night here in Salt Lake City, where I performed. I liked the atmosphere and the crowd - 500 or so cheering for the music is just great. But, I was tired after the show. Tired in the sense that, I am not getting what I want. My inner feeling was not refreshing. The feeling was that, I enjoy more singing for myself.

People come to me and tell, "You sang really well...". Some come with an expression I can't believe - "Wow..., you sing so well.. Your voice is ....(pause) I just can't explain it". My mind goes blank when people tell such things. I am not able to understand that what they say is what they really mean :(. I really doubt and think to myself, "was it really good? I didn't feel so standing there on stage".

I feel like retiring from onstage performances. If everything is NOT perfect as to my expectations on stage, I don't get the mood to sing. This is what I define, "singing for myself". If I don't enjoy, how can I please the audience? Still, I sing and people feel that it came out well. Performing has become like an addiction to me. After each performance, I don't feel like singing in public anymore. Sooner than expected, I am told to sing again for public and the cycle continues.

Comments

SimblyDimply said…
Your perception of your music - is yours alone. People listening to your music are perceiving your music from ways you can never fathom. While you are worrying about giving your best, being in sruti and not being able to summon a mood - they are probably just sold on your voice! The listener-singer dynamics are crazy. But, I understand your point. The comfort of singing for yourself is the greatest. They also say it takes two decades of performance for an artist to feel as comfortable on stage as with himself. So, keep the addiction on.. the worst disaster would be if you stop singing in public. Navella yell hogana aaga!?
2:01 PM, November 04, 2007
I am said…
ya retire from stage, and sing only for US :)
11:47 PM, November 04, 2007
hamsanandi said…
No No.. Keep singing. Yes, you should sing for yourself and enjoy it. If others derive happiness out of that, why do you want to stop it?

Good going.

-Ramaprasad
4:57 PM, November 05, 2007
M said…
I would like to see you sing Na To Karvan Ki Talash hai and Sur Na Saje
by Manna Dey,beautiul semi/classical renditions.
11:39 AM, November 07, 2007
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