12 Months

I couldn't think of a better title to this post than putting '12 months'. This blog is to recollect the last 12 months. There is always a story for becoming successful - it could be exam, or career, or business. But, mine is a story with a difference. My story is still in the middle of recovery to path of success.

Last 12 months have been the toughest part of my life. The first part of this was dark and deep in the tunnel, while, the second half saw ray of hope. Having a disease at its peak for long duration is next to being in a dark dungeon with no food or water. Being hospitalized 6 times made me feel that nurses are going to be my friends for future and doctors will be my Protectors on this earth.

I thank everybody who came in my path of this life for their support and wishes. I tried following their advice for most part. At times, I couldn't stick to their instructions due to my limitations. Family, friends, neighbors, office-mates, well-wishers, etc - all come to mind for me to acknowledge and show my gratitude. I felt their nearness as well as their distance, both were required to keep me comfortable. As an individual, I see myself as two parts - physical and mental. Both were put to test. My mental part being winner at times and my physical body trying to cope with stress and anxiety. Body and mind fought with each other and each complemented at times.

Going in to depression is an ugly experience. Not just for me, but, also for people with me, i.e., my family. I had no control on my emotions. Crying had become a normal emotion in depression. Asking for the unnatural was a mad effect. Watching TV, reading something, talking something sensitive - all led to outburst of tears. Being a dad of 2 kids, I feel that I had the extra pressure of taking care of my family. Question of 'how do I make my family safe?' haunted me.

In the hospital once, I blabbered something that I vaguely remember. I was on pain-killer injections and sedatives and this is what I said. "I want to go far away, far far away from the people I know. I want to go to a holy place and live a lonely life for next few years till my end. I am sure somebody there in that holy shrine will serve me 2 meals a day." I uttered these to my mom and I don't know what happened next.

My health condition is improving and my mom smilingly compares my story to mega-television soaps. Progress is slow. But, I see progress and I am positive. I see success in me coming out of ill-health that was like a deep well which doesn't have a way out. I am climbing the steps up and am confident that I will view the greens soon.